"If Winter Ends"

(I've been highly shitty about updating this blog; MySpace is an evil place. But I'm going to be better, I swear.)

-Bright Eyes

Possibly my favorite Bright Eyes song.

I fell for the promise
Of a life with a purpose
But I know that's impossible now
So I drink to stay warm
And to kill selected memories
'Cause I just can't think about that or about her tonight

I give myself three days to feel better
Or else I swear I'll drive right off a fucking cliff
'Cause if I can't learn to make myself feel better
How can I expect anyone else to give a shit?

And I scream for the sunlight
Or a car to take me anywhere

I have to stop writing those lyrics, or I'll write the whole thing.
'Cause I like them a lot. That whole song came off far too emo. 

Oops. 

I'm Well. Just weird. hahaaa...?

This weather makes me gloomy.

Thus, Bright Eyes.

Something I wrote a while ago:

7.25.2007

I see air, I see confusion
In waking life, I pray for delusion
Now I look, I see alike
The road is striped
You're going the wrong way

Wrapped in lies
I tell the truth
I am confused
With your labels and lies
Of traditional spite

I lived my life on the wrong side
By myself, I thought that I'd die
Then you come, bring peace of mind
It wasn't right time
You're crossing the mind
I'm not that surprised

I'm dizzy from all this thought
With everything now falling apart
A dilemma without a face
You're scared, you need your space
Just lie some more
Tell the truth another day

:)

-ejb

Another

She talks and, of course, I listen.  A song is playing in the background.  There is silence between us while I don’t know what to say.

She cuts time short, “Why, though? Why do I even care?"

The song plays.  A mutual song.  It has meaning and we both love it—listening, I remember times listening to it with her.  I smile, buying time.

“One day,” I say, choosing pro-nouns, avoiding what I know I should.  “One day, someone will deserve you.”

Her eyes flick to mine, level—intense.  The music plays, a glance turns into a stare.  I lose my nerve.  My eyes jump away, investigating the burn mark on the table between us.  It’s still brown, the shape of an eye.

“Someone will deserve you, too”

I barely breathe, my nervous systems interfere.  It’s not as bad when I don’t drink.  The glass is already half-empty.  The song is still playing.

“We could just deserve each other,” I manage.

I can’t tell, but I feel like her eyes are on the burn mark too. Everything is buzzing, everything but the song.  And her.

I raise my eyes.  Hers are still on mine.  We stare a second before we laugh.

 Playing and playing, pro-nouns and time.

Everyone’s waiting.

Of First?

So, it is hellishly early. 

I woke to piss at about four, and couldn't get back asleep. 

Here I am. 

Uhh, 

I am Justin. 

Here is a first, and sort of intro of sorts:

Eric Justin Bravo was born. 

He's a boy. 

He's mexican. 

He lives in the worst state, in the least-interesting part of it. 

He plans to move after gaining an AA. 

He's a lot of things. 

He's unemployed. 

He's had sleeping trouble since the 7th grade. 

Here we are.

He hates the name Eric. 

He plays a purple Fender bass. 

And writes things that may never see the light of day. 

Here we are. 

In the early dawn. 

Light of day. 

Here we are.

Mission Accomplished. 

He hasn't died yet. 

I stole that concept from Mr. Conor Oberst. Oops. I badly need to fix my bike, shave, get a job.

Do do, what will you do?

Listening to my thousand-song iTunes library right now, one of my favorite Dresden Dolls songs came on, "The Time Has Come." Weird, I've been thinking of that song lately. 

He applies song lyrics to his life. 

Relate, foo'. 

"All of my bind ambition left me deaf with perfect vision." - Amanda Palmer 

THANKS, I need to make shit/stuff happen. I know what I want to happen. 

Just Do it. 

Thanks, Nike. 

-ejb